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Family Matter
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter
Message Icon Topic: should men ask their wives to marry a second woman Post Reply Post New Topic
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minuteman
 
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Quote minuteman Replybullet Posted: 06 September 2008 at 5:13am
 
 Much has been written. If there was a condition during Nikah that husband will not marry (take a second wife) without the permission of the first wife then he has to take permission before marrying another wife.
 
 Suppose the first wife does not permit it. Then the husband has the choice to divorce her which could be even worse. The problem of informing has been settled. He should inform the first wife when marrying another one. There is no secret marriage.
 
 The man has the right to divorce the wife. Wife cannot divorce the husband. But the wife can resign (Ask for KHula'a). That she cannot or does not want to live with her husband. The request will go up and will be considered and approved if she presses for it resolutely. She has to give good reasons for resignation. But even if the reasons are not good, if she wishes to be free then freedom will be granted.
 
 In case of Khula'a (resignation), the wife may have to forego some of the benefits of dowary.
 
 In case a man marries another lady, he should not keep them under the same roof. He should provide living for each wife separately and treat them equally as much as he can. It is a sin to mistreat any one and love the other one.
 
 Now I come to the practical side of the things observed in saudi Arabia on sea side. There were some Saudi women fighting (arguing) with the Pakistani women on the beach. What was the problem?
 
 The Pakistani women were accusing the Saudi ladies that they do not care for their husbands. The Saudis were accusing the Pakistani ladies for being too possessive, for not permitting the husbands to have another wife. They were accusing the pakistanis for not letting the husbands enjoy themselves, by being too possessive, not allowing the second wife.
 
 The Saudis said they were happy if the husband had two or three wives. They are securely living in their own house with their own children and have less work to do. Less attendance to husbands requirements, etc. ( I will soon post another case of very young girls marrying very men in saudia).


Edited by minuteman - 06 September 2008 at 5:16am
If any one is bad some one must suffer
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Hayfa
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 07 September 2008 at 3:26pm
As far as comfort,, it all depends on your environment and experiences, and outlook! I know of women to help a sister out asked her husband to marry the other woman..
 
No a man does not need a woman's permission to marry another. Yes the marriage needs to be annonced and not hidden. For instance some men overseas marry a 2nd wife and they "announce" it. But what does that entail.. No evites on interent back then...lol
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Yasmine Dixon
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Quote Yasmine Dixon Replybullet Posted: 15 August 2010 at 3:30pm






Edited by Yasmine Dixon - 28 August 2010 at 8:25pm
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Quote Yasmine Dixon Replybullet Posted: 15 August 2010 at 3:40pm
Asalaam Wa'alaikum, My brother are you stating this off of fact(knowledge) or opinion. When you give others advice in Islam it has to be able to be proven. Inshallah, we as Muslims can remember that. Smile

Edited by Yasmine Dixon - 17 August 2010 at 9:00am
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Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 16 August 2010 at 11:59am
Asaalamm alaikum,

Welcome to the Forum Yasmin.

i think you need to discuss with your husband what his interests and intentions are towards a 2nd or 3rd wife. That is fine to do.

Is he talking to nonMuslim women? Generally he should not be talking to the women in most circumstances. 1. If he finds a woman interesting he should then refer her to other people to discuss Islam. If he thinks he wants to marry her he should never do it alone.. ..

but there are many aspects you have not told us. which is fine. But without background no one can really give any recommendations.

And if you want Quran and Sunnah and the legal I recommend you go to an Imam or Scholar...



When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Divya_Mohammed
 
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Quote Divya_Mohammed Replybullet Posted: 17 August 2010 at 8:43am
Assalam Alaikum
 
This is an issue that I am not comfortable with, both as a New converted Muslim and as a woman.
 
My husband loves me most but I dont have guts to even talk to him to find out his views on taking more wives, lest I dont open a pandora's box.
 
I have read translation of Islamic scriptures and understand the issue but my simple mind is unable to find a logic or a proper explanation as to why in 21st century someone would want many wives.
 
After all, the population mix globally and in each society, as a normal course is 50:50 and nowhere in Islamic world or non-islamic world there is a skewed gender ratio.
 
Of course a man can have many wives and can have enjoyment with them but even a woman can also have many men and can have enjoyment with them, i mean physically and emotionally. This is how human body is.
 
Also although scriptures say that the husband should be fair with all wives and treat as equal, where is the proof that he is indeed treating them fairly. In a crisis, all five of them may have five different opinions and who in the world, except Allah, can know who is telling truth and lies. May be nobody is telling lies but people may perceive differently and have different views on the same event.
 
Hope no one is going to mistake me for this dilemma in my mind . The only solution to my mind is to love the husband more in a way that the very thought of a second wife does not arise in his mind. But, despite best efforts, what is the guarantee that a man comes across another woman and decides to take her as second wife.
 
So I have decided to think less and with the belief that Allah knows best.
 
Allah Hafiz
Divya Mohammed
 
 
 
 
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Yasmine Dixon
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Quote Yasmine Dixon Replybullet Posted: 17 August 2010 at 8:59am
Isalaam Wa'alaikum,
I thank you for telling me the best way to handle my situation. I will seek further knowledge so  that i can have proof to give to my husband for why i am concern for his actions. I want my husband to have his rights and  also want my rights to be for filled as promised in the marriage contract, Inshallah. " ALLAH knows best" Smile
Shrikron, may ALLAH bless you now and in the hereafter.

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Yasmine Dixon
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Quote Yasmine Dixon Replybullet Posted: 17 August 2010 at 9:25am
As salaam Wa'alaikum,

My sister Divya,  I do understand where you are coming from. I am in the same dilemma. In these days in time it is hard to take care of one household.  Men do have the right to marry up to three to four wives if they can treat them equally and provided equally for them. In this day in time we have Muslim brothers are marring more then one wife and not telling the first wife anything. I thought when you married your first wife you have to be able to communicate, trust,and respect one another. Within saying that I believe we as Muslim's NEED to check our intentions when we are married in Islam.



Edited by Yasmine Dixon - 17 August 2010 at 9:44am
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