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Nabil
 
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Quote Nabil Replybullet Topic: Girly boy
    Posted: 30 May 2008 at 9:58am
Hi
 
Im new here and I dont really know how to explain my ' problem '. Lets start with a brief introduction. Im a 17 year old boy and I live in Lahore. My problem is that Im a bit like girl.No,not the ones who dress like girls or talk exactly like them or wear make up etc. Im a boy but my actions are like girl.Im sensitive and soft-spoken.The '' guys '' of my age do not understand me.They dont exactly make fun of me but are like, your choice is so bad,u play like a girl and stuff.But Im used to it now.Problem is that as Im growing older,my self-acceptnance is becoming less and less,become more shy and when going out,I think stuff like oh maybe he/she wont like me either cuz i talk like a girl,or my choices are like girls(for e.g I am not into football,I would rather watch a drama,I LIKE IT,I Like to draw)but people are like u should do guy stuff play football in heat and stuff..And Im like why????I dont want to!Why can not people accept me for who I am? No matter how hard I try make my voice deeper,or walk exactly like they tell me to and do stuff what boys should do..I simply can not change...And the problem is,Im so confused that I dont like my self anymore,Im always going for what others have and its like everyones always judging me.
 
The older I get,the bettet I used to be.
 
Ive been worried since 2-3 years now.I have been on other Western forums for help but then it didnt really help me.Then I realized that Im a Muslim and I should pray to Allah and go to Islamic forums and ask what they say,please tell me that Allah has allowed us to be ourselves?I will so much comfortable in me if only someone tells me that its ok to be me..
 
Please help me.Cry
 
And its not like,Im the only one like these,I see other people who're just like me,on tv,in the park etc and theyre so happy!I wonder how do they get so comfortable and have so much self-acceptance...(including few maulvis)
everyone is opt to just make me feel bad about myself but I still have hope and faith...


Edited by Nabil - 30 May 2008 at 10:00am
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seekshidayath
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Quote seekshidayath Replybullet Posted: 30 May 2008 at 6:33pm
As'Salamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,
 
Welcome to our boards of discussions at Islamicity.
 
You know the solution to it but still are waiting for approval ? Read you last lines. Is n't it ?
 
I feel your confidence level has gone very low. Only thing is you need to boost it up. There is a sister over here on boards, {Shasta's aunt}, and her signature may help you. It says , " “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” . And now answer yourselves.
 
Next important  thing is, remember none of us is perfect. So we are to pray Allah swt always, to turn our weaknesses into strength.
 
Never bother of crticisms  or even expect praises from people around you. Its there job that they keep commenting over us. Just be confident and move on with your way. InshaAllah, you shall see one day that these same people who comment over you, shall walk your way.
 
InshaAllah when you acquire such qualities expalined above, you shall regain your confidence and stop being sensitive and learn to be tough.
 
 
 
 
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."
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Nabil
 
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Quote Nabil Replybullet Posted: 31 May 2008 at 12:26am
Originally posted by seekshidayath

As'Salamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,
 
Welcome to our boards of discussions at Islamicity.
 
You know the solution to it but still are waiting for approval ? Read you last lines. Is n't it ?
 
I feel your confidence level has gone very low. Only thing is you need to boost it up. There is a sister over here on boards, {Shasta's aunt}, and her signature may help you. It says , " “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” . And now answer yourselves.
 
Next important  thing is, remember none of us is perfect. So we are to pray Allah swt always, to turn our weaknesses into strength.
 
Never bother of crticisms  or even expect praises from people around you. Its there job that they keep commenting over us. Just be confident and move on with your way. InshaAllah, you shall see one day that these same people who comment over you, shall walk your way.
 
InshaAllah when you acquire such qualities expalined above, you shall regain your confidence and stop being sensitive and learn to be tough.
 
 
 
 
 
Thank you so much. I just needed to express my feelings so that I feel more confident in me. And now I know that I should keep being me and do not even bother what other people say.
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lovesakeenah
 
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Quote lovesakeenah Replybullet Posted: 02 June 2008 at 7:20am
Wa alaykum salaam waarahamatullah wabarakatuh
Nabil...you are masha Allahu already made and cannot change that.(you know what I mean here,nmot surgery or anything of sort).I am pleased you finally came here for help because people who have issues recognising who they are eventually fall into the wrong notion of'becoming what 'people' ask them to ,not what they are or who they want to be.And let me just chip it in here that not playing football does not make you 'girlie',just like it doesn't make a girl become a boy because she likes soccer.And there are tons of activities you can engage yourself in.There're hundreds of Sports that is acceptable for both male and female.Are you sure you've explored everything,I mean,even half  of it???
My brother, please worry less and perhaps,you could try reciting the Qur'an with your voice, am sure that will make you more relaxed and happy,not depressed by people's comments.People have right to their opinion.It's just unfortunate that they don't know where to draw the line.Find your voice and use it the right way.Do not let anyone make you feel inferior.
Take that saying like seekshidayath said"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".
And remember that you can't please everyone.If they are really your riends,they will accept you and not chastise or make fun of you.
 
May Allah give you the courage to overcome this challenge, masha Allahu.
"I have conviction that Allah has power over everything.Verily!Allah's knowledge includes and encompasses everything".
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final_fata
 
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Quote final_fata Replybullet Posted: 02 June 2008 at 9:52am

Assalamualaikum

hi there, iam also new in this forum
just hanging out, you know a bit of here and there stuff, i came across your issue here and i find it interesting. totell u the truth, im also in such condition, once. its still in me but i managed to control it, eventhough not always. Firstly i wouldn'y want to consider myself as such,for im a guy for whatever reason there is. you got what i meant. The prospect of some men being in such condition is that some are born with it. This is a matter of fate. Once, i've asked a friend, whom i knew have better understanding in islam stated that, afyer i asked him whether i can change this girly attitude of mine though i was born with it, and he says, yes you can. another friend told me that a man should always be a man. Everyone know that we, men could never impersonate as a girl, in the context of clothing and so forth, even acting like one is prohibited.
 
the point is, it is best to be ourselves, but try to be ourselves which is good, because we also have rotten attitude an so forth right? for example, liking drama and so on, i would also prefer to watch drama but that doesnt proof im a man. im sorry if any of my words urt u in any ways. 
 
i would like to conclude that, it is best to change in some of our attitude or habit but it is also best to retain what is always good in our life.
 
Every good deeds, came from Allah, and every bad deeds, came from me. again i apologize if any words disturb u in any kind of way. Hope you find better resolution.
 
a tip, why not asking someone better in islamic understanding near you, it usually works for me. whenever you had a problem try to consult it with a better understanding man.  
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seekshidayath
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Quote seekshidayath Replybullet Posted: 02 June 2008 at 6:05pm
As'Salamu Alaikum,
 
Welcome to our Islamicity brother  { Final fata }
 
Hope both yours and sis Sakeenah's posts help him . InshaAllah
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."
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Nabil
 
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Quote Nabil Replybullet Posted: 04 June 2008 at 1:59am
I appreciate u helping me but Im confused.
 
U guys are not telling me about what ISLAM says of having girly characteristics?Is it right from birth or u just adopt them?I want to feel comfortable in my own " girlish " way cuz I like it but Im confused if whether or not is it allowed by Allah.I cant act guyish cuz I dont like...so please tell me that its ok to be me..
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Chrysalis
 
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 06 June 2008 at 1:22pm
Dear Nabil . . .
 
First of all, I applaud you for trying to find a constructive spiritual way to your "problem" . . .rather then depressing over it, or lashing out in other ways. . .or confusing it woth certain twisted western concepts.
 
First of all . . .And I am appalled that no one has mentioned it yet . . . THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING SENSITIVE!
 
Why is that only an effeminate thing? Strong, masculine men should feel comfortable enough with thier masculinity to be sensitive. Do you know that our Prophet was a sensitive man? He was very careful about hurting people, and has exemplary behaviour and ettiqute.
 
Secondly, just because you dislike football, and like the arts. . .does not make you "girly". I think I can see the underlying problem here,  as to why those wicked kids tease you . . . .Lack of self-confidence.
 
Self-Confidence is the single most important thing you could have. If you are confident, and can stand up for yourself, no one will dare tease you. Rather they will be following u around. Learn not to care what ppl think (too much)
 
I'm not saying you should 'act' girly . . .you can change easily. But what I want to understand is what is it that u consider girly? Your walk, your hand movements or what? Perhaps you should work on your posture, stance and walk. Dont use too many hand actions. . . stare the person in the eye when u talk. Dont be shy. Work on your conversational skills (join debates/public spkng. I know for a fact tht Lahore has many avenues for that)
 
There is also nothing wrong with being soft-spoken. Infact gentle-men are never loud and rowdy. Perhaps you should focus more towards being a gentle-man than a rowdy-guy :p you'll find that easier.
 
Don't feel guilt for the way you are. . . just try and work on it. Remember, Allah will never hold you at fault for something that is not in your hands. I'm sure you've heard of Begum Nawazish Ali . . .now that is an example of what Islam dislikes. . . .men cross-dressing as women and behaving in lewd fashions like that. But some men are naturally a little effeminate and some women are naturally a little tom-boyish. What Allah dislikes is when we conciousley try to behave like the opposite sex. And I'm sure you dont do that.
 
You are just 17. Many boys are late in getting facial hair and deepening voices. I used to have a class fellow, the poor guy was teased abt being girly just bcz of his voice and timidity. He grew up to have a very deep voice and changed completley. So it just might be puberty! :)
 
Ofcourse its okay to be you. . .who says guys cannot like the arts, or dislike sports? Just try not to behave femininly physcially . . . pick a male role-model and try to imitate his actions in order to achieve that.
 
Best of Luck . . .Feel free to PM me.
 
And dont let other kids let u down . . . teens can be very cruel to each other. What matters is how good a muslim and human you are. . . not how macho you are. Those are just social pressures. You can try and be more macho if you want . . . but dont let that depress you.
 
Cheers!
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