IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum: How to be a Successful Muslim Wife

Author

Message

Ali77
Male Islam
Newbie
Newbie

Joined: 19 April 2009
Location: Sudan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 29

Posted: 26 October 2009 at 6:48am

ALSALM ALYCOM..my question is:I very worry about my future many time I ask my self,can I deal with life?
can I marry?how are my wife and sons appear?I ask you
is this caused by unsuficient faith on our God or its
normal feeling and thank you.

IP Logged

ops155

Senior Member

Joined: 08 November 2008
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 155

Posted: 27 October 2009 at 11:13am

WOW!!! This is same thing from a non muslim view, sort of.

http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp

Rule 11 - Ignore 1-10 and have some self respect.

IP Logged

Full of Hopes
Female Islam
Senior Member
Senior Member

Joined: 06 August 2009
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 860

Posted: 27 October 2009 at 11:35am

Originally posted by Ali77

ALSALM ALYCOM..my question is:I very worry about my future many time I ask my self,can I deal with life?
can I marry?how are my wife and sons appear?I ask you
is this caused by unsuficient faith on our God or its
normal feeling and thank you.

May Allah help you. I feel. This is very normal. Just do istekhrah before you do anything.

And whoever seeks a religion other than Islâm, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)

IP Logged

abuayisha

Senior Member
Senior Member

Joined: 05 October 1999
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3997

Posted: 28 October 2009 at 7:44pm

Originally posted by ops155

WOW!!! This is same thing from a non muslim view, sort of.

http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp

Rule 11 - Ignore 1-10 and have some self respect.

Wow, really amazing how much things have changed since that 1950's admonition.

IP Logged

martha

Senior Member
Senior Member

Joined: 30 October 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1141

Posted: 29 October 2009 at 1:32am

I loved reading these 1-10 rules.

I think it is women that are changing, not so much the men.

In the UK for example 75% white British men still believe they should be the bread winner and that women should stay in the home and to a great extent follow these rules.

Unfortunately with the rising costs and women wanting more of a choice many decide to go to work and keep the home in order. Men have adjusted somewhat in their thinking..guess if the women are happier working some hours then he will surely compromise..nothing quite like a frustrated wife

For many women the extra cash comes in handy...it gives them some freedom to spend on themselves(when man's wage doesn't cover these extras)...and also women like to also contribute to costs of holidays etc.

In an ideal world women can stay in the home...but bills need to be paid.

In asian countries women are begining to catch up with the thinking of western women. THey want more rights, more freedom..and so on.

Personally ( as I am old fashioned) I loved to follow the above rules when I was younger, married and had a family. THere is a huge sense of pride and achievment when you can accomplish in this way.

sigh..oh happy days...

some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set

IP Logged

Hayfa
Female Islam
Senior Member
Senior Member

Joined: 07 June 2005
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2370

Posted: 29 October 2009 at 6:30am

I think to think that women around the world sit at home and just take of the home.. is just not realistic. The vast majority of women work in some fashion "outside the home." Most rural and poor people- everyone works. We tend to view things from a middle class prism. And this is just not realistic. What is true is most have some type of division of labor. Women do X and men to Y. And it changes from culture to culture. Of course women also take care of the kids but they do a lot more. Poor women have always "worked"

If you talk about women from other strata... what was the issue is that when you have a brain.. you are raised with an education... you actually enjoy that. And if you have a spouse who does not respect and see you really as a 'cleaning machine" it makes for a hard marriage.

Its like in the list... be quiet, be nice, don't make too much noise. And then what happens when the woman being home either by themselves or young children. Being isolated causes alot of the dperession women face. We are humans and have social needs. And its about cater to 'his needs' and does he think about what his wife goes through? And I remember how they used to say these women did not 'work" and the men are not going to sign up for 'home duty.'

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

IP Logged

martha

Senior Member
Senior Member

Joined: 30 October 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1141

Posted: 29 October 2009 at 11:15am

...be nice, be quiet, and don't make much noise..

Hayfa, it isn't realistic of course. You are absolutely right.

I used to watch my maternal grandmother..(she is like the one you refer to in your post) she was the ideal woman and ideal wife and mother and came from a privileged background. So pArt of her education was to prepare for married life. Fortunately she had a good husband.

Until the day she died she never grumbled. Her work was the home, she was fortunate in that sense...meals were on time and she had her own itinerary that she stuck to...washing Mondays, ironing Tuesdays etc etc. I loved that woman

She was also lucky to not be isolated after marriage. It makes a huge difference. I am sure she had her own personal grievances within that marriage tho...marriage is not a bed of roses..we all have to watch out for those thorns. BUt I am hugely grateful to her for her example. Some of it has stuck in my brain

My paternal grandmother was completely different and she worked. She was poor. I loved her and loved her strength/determination too. But hers is another story...

The answer is I guess about balance in life. Divorce for example was once frowned upon. WOmen put up with a lot of abuse. THese days divorce is more acceptable and women don't put up with stuff.( I talk about the western world here) We will never live in an ideal world. Harmony in the home is a 2way practice. WOnder if we will ever get it right,lol. Women have to do a great deal...then and now. Work in the home, work outside, often both. I get tired just thinking about it, lol.

some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set

IP Logged

abuayisha

Senior Member
Senior Member

Joined: 05 October 1999
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3997

Posted: 29 October 2009 at 11:19am

man! I do hate the sound of the vacuum cleaner.

IP Logged

	Active Topics Memberlist Calendar Search Help
	Register Login Old Forum

Family Matter
IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Family Matter

Topic: How to be a Successful Muslim Wife
	<< Prev Page of 10 Next >>

Author	Message
Ali77 Male Islam Newbie Joined: 19 April 2009 Location: Sudan Online Status: Offline Posts: 29	Posted: 26 October 2009 at 6:48am
	ALSALM ALYCOM..my question is:I very worry about my future many time I ask my self,can I deal with life? can I marry?how are my wife and sons appear?I ask you is this caused by unsuficient faith on our God or its normal feeling and thank you.
	IP Logged

ops155 Senior Member Joined: 08 November 2008 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 155	Posted: 27 October 2009 at 11:13am
	WOW!!! This is same thing from a non muslim view, sort of. http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp Rule 11 - Ignore 1-10 and have some self respect.
	IP Logged

Full of Hopes Female Islam Senior Member Joined: 06 August 2009 Online Status: Offline Posts: 860	Posted: 27 October 2009 at 11:35am
	*Originally posted by Ali77* ALSALM ALYCOM..my question is:I very worry about my future many time I ask my self,can I deal with life? can I marry?how are my wife and sons appear?I ask you is this caused by unsuficient faith on our God or its normal feeling and thank you. May Allah help you. I feel. This is very normal. Just do istekhrah before you do anything.
	And whoever seeks a religion other than Islâm, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
	IP Logged

abuayisha Senior Member Joined: 05 October 1999 Online Status: Offline Posts: 3997	Posted: 28 October 2009 at 7:44pm
	*Originally posted by ops155* WOW!!! This is same thing from a non muslim view, sort of. http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp Rule 11 - Ignore 1-10 and have some self respect. Wow, really amazing how much things have changed since that 1950's admonition.
	IP Logged

martha Senior Member Joined: 30 October 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 1141	Posted: 29 October 2009 at 1:32am
	I loved reading these 1-10 rules. I think it is women that are changing, not so much the men. In the UK for example 75% white British men still believe they should be the bread winner and that women should stay in the home and to a great extent follow these rules. Unfortunately with the rising costs and women wanting more of a choice many decide to go to work and keep the home in order. Men have adjusted somewhat in their thinking..guess if the women are happier working some hours then he will surely compromise..nothing quite like a frustrated wife For many women the extra cash comes in handy...it gives them some freedom to spend on themselves(when man's wage doesn't cover these extras)...and also women like to also contribute to costs of holidays etc. In an ideal world women can stay in the home...but bills need to be paid. In asian countries women are begining to catch up with the thinking of western women. THey want more rights, more freedom..and so on. Personally ( as I am old fashioned) I loved to follow the above rules when I was younger, married and had a family. THere is a huge sense of pride and achievment when you can accomplish in this way. sigh..oh happy days...
	some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
	IP Logged

Hayfa Female Islam Senior Member Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 2370	Posted: 29 October 2009 at 6:30am
	I think to think that women around the world sit at home and just take of the home.. is just not realistic. The vast majority of women work in some fashion "outside the home." Most rural and poor people- everyone works. We tend to view things from a middle class prism. And this is just not realistic. What is true is most have some type of division of labor. Women do X and men to Y. And it changes from culture to culture. Of course women also take care of the kids but they do a lot more. Poor women have always "worked" If you talk about women from other strata... what was the issue is that when you have a brain.. you are raised with an education... you actually enjoy that. And if you have a spouse who does not respect and see you really as a 'cleaning machine" it makes for a hard marriage. Its like in the list... be quiet, be nice, don't make too much noise. And then what happens when the woman being home either by themselves or young children. Being isolated causes alot of the dperession women face. We are humans and have social needs. And its about cater to 'his needs' and does he think about what his wife goes through? And I remember how they used to say these women did not 'work" and the men are not going to sign up for 'home duty.'
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
	IP Logged

martha Senior Member Joined: 30 October 2007 Online Status: Offline Posts: 1141	Posted: 29 October 2009 at 11:15am
	...be nice, be quiet, and don't make much noise.. Hayfa, it isn't realistic of course. You are absolutely right. I used to watch my maternal grandmother..(she is like the one you refer to in your post) she was the ideal woman and ideal wife and mother and came from a privileged background. So pArt of her education was to prepare for married life. Fortunately she had a good husband. Until the day she died she never grumbled. Her work was the home, she was fortunate in that sense...meals were on time and she had her own itinerary that she stuck to...washing Mondays, ironing Tuesdays etc etc. I loved that woman She was also lucky to not be isolated after marriage. It makes a huge difference. I am sure she had her own personal grievances within that marriage tho...marriage is not a bed of roses..we all have to watch out for those thorns. BUt I am hugely grateful to her for her example. Some of it has stuck in my brain My paternal grandmother was completely different and she worked. She was poor. I loved her and loved her strength/determination too. But hers is another story... The answer is I guess about balance in life. Divorce for example was once frowned upon. WOmen put up with a lot of abuse. THese days divorce is more acceptable and women don't put up with stuff.( I talk about the western world here) We will never live in an ideal world. Harmony in the home is a 2way practice. WOnder if we will ever get it right,lol. Women have to do a great deal...then and now. Work in the home, work outside, often both. I get tired just thinking about it, lol.
	some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set
	IP Logged

abuayisha Senior Member Joined: 05 October 1999 Online Status: Offline Posts: 3997	Posted: 29 October 2009 at 11:19am
	man! I do hate the sound of the vacuum cleaner.
	IP Logged