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Islam for non-Muslims
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Religion - Islam : Islam for non-Muslims
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namesdontmatter
 
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Quote namesdontmatter Replybullet Topic: To Be or not To Be
    Posted: 12 March 2005 at 9:36pm
Hello everyone. I come seeking answers to questions that I do not know how to phrase correctly. So, I think I shall just start at... well, the beginning. I have identity issues, as I'm sure the forum tag probably suggests, but I'll try my best to be specific, so that the advice that anyone may be able to give me will be more helpful. My apologies in advance if this ends up being a very long post.

A little while ago, I met the girl 'of my dreams'. I know it sounds cliche, but I believe she is the girl I was supposed to be with for the rest of my life.

For the greater portion of my short life (I am 20, she is 22), I have lived without God, without religion. My life has to this point been a very happy one. I have been a good person, very helpful to those in my community and do not drink, smoke or fornicate. In return for doing none of these bad things and being a good person, I have been very lucky when I get into a jam, or have problems that I do not know how to solve. As a result, I have never felt a need or a pull to choose a religion and pray to God.

The girl, however, is a Muslim.

From what I know about the rules Muslims abide by, she is not even supposed to speak to me on a personal level, but rather about work or school. This, yet I wish for her hand in marriage some day when I have the means to sustain the both of us.

Now that my personal history is out of the way, I have so very many questions for those who frequent this forum... it is hard to know where to begin, so I will ask this and hope for some response.

I am afraid that if I begin to practice Islam, it will be for a woman and not for myself and certainly not for God. I am afraid that if I do not practice Islam, she and I can never be together. What shall I do?

I have thought about asking God for a sign, or guidance, but I do not even know how to pray as a Muslim, or whether or not I need to be Muslim first before I can pray to Him, and I am reluctant to ask her.

Finally, if I've posted this on the wrong forum, I want to apologize in advance. There were no posts here to tell me what sort of content goes here, and so I just too a chance.


Edited by namesdontmatter
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semar
 
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Quote semar Replybullet Posted: 12 March 2005 at 9:56pm

I am not good adviser nor wise man. But here what I think:
You do not need to practice Islam (ritually: shalat, fasting, etc) if have not muslim yet. But you still can  pray to God by meditation or whatever, that part of searching God, ask him to give you a sign that he is exist. This was the way that done by prophet Abraham and Muhammad. Prophet Abraham searched God by watching the sun, the moon and the stars and came conclusion none of them is a God, because all of them were set all of them disappear, eventually he found the real God.  So by the similar way with full intention insha Allah (god will) you will find him someday.

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DavidC
 
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Quote DavidC Replybullet Posted: 12 March 2005 at 10:09pm
Study Islam. Have your friend take you places, meet people. Post here.

Soon you will be in a much better informed condition,

Learn, learn, learn

DavidC
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Suleyman
 
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Quote Suleyman Replybullet Posted: 13 March 2005 at 1:20am

Es_Selam'un Aleykum ve Rahmetullahi ve Berakatuh;

Here are some different variations about the problem you are facing with.I wish this article will bring you the help.Before reading the article,please read the ayats from the holy Quran which made the source of this article... Wa Salaam.....

002.221
YUSUFALI: Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters), until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise.

024.003
YUSUFALI: Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry and but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden.

060.010
YUSUFALI: O ye who believe! When there come to you believing women refugees, examine (and test) them: Allah knows best as to their Faith: if ye ascertain that they are Believers, then send them not back to the Unbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the Unbelievers, nor are the (Unbelievers) lawful (husbands) for them. But pay the Unbelievers what they have spent (on their dower), and there will be no blame on you if ye marry them on payment of their dower to them. But hold not to the guardianship of unbelieving women: ask for what ye have spent on their dowers, and let the (Unbelievers) ask for what they have spent (on the dowers of women who come over to you). Such is the command of Allah: He judges (with justice) between you. And Allah is Full of Knowledge and Wisdom.

Marriage with non-Muslims

Question:

Are Muslim men allowed to marry non-Muslim women?
When you marry female people of the book and they turn out not practicing their own deen or even do not believe, what do you do. Given the fact that the fatwa classify them as Kafirs. Is there a problem of inconsistency there with the Quran which allows such marriage. Shouldn't the Quran take precedence here. The intent is to bring them to Islam. If after so many years one is convinced they will not believe what then do you do.

Cheri Powers, Lahore

Answer:

Assalam-o-Alaikum and thank you for contacting JI dear Cheri Powers,

Islam allows a Muslim male to marry a lady, either Christian or Jews – she should not be open polytheist. She is not obliged to convert to Islam for the sake of marriage. She will enjoy all the rights that a Muslim wife avails – proper willful contract, dower, right of nafaqa (sustenance) from husband, right of inheritance (if she gets widowed), and right of separation (khula’) if ever she so wants. And, the Qur’an ordains that wife – a Muslim or Christian – is equal partner to the marriage contract.

However, a Muslim lady can neither be married nor remain married to a non-Muslim, including one belonging to the "People of Book". If some Muslim sister has indulged in this, she should approach the husband and try her best that he also converts to Islam. Meanwhile she will NOT act as his wife and stay divorced. If after lapse of some time, the husband embraces Islam, they can however, unite again without fresh marriage, as such instances are reported in the "Seerah" and the decisions given was by the Prophet (SWS) himself. In case he doesn't embrace Islam, divorce is inevitable.

Yes, Qur'an gets precedence over all other opinions. Now you say that "these women do not even believe in or practice their own deen". Does that mean they were not truly Christian or Jew, and were therefore, wrongly taken to be ahle-kitab? If so, one should not have married such a lady in the first place. One thing however, is clear. If a true Christian or Jewish lady (married to a Muslim man) sticks to her deen, she is not be compelled to convert to Islam. Preferably however, after the marriage the family should move to Dar al Islam. That will enhance her chances to become Muslim or at least stay closer to the True Faith. More important that the children of such couple will be raised Muslims.

Regards


Question:

Dear Sir,

I turn to you with the following question. I am Dutch, and Christian. I have married a Pakistani Muslim woman (as is permitted under Dutch civil law), and we are a happy family with two wonderful children. My wife is a practicing Muslim, as I am a practicing Christian. The children are raised with knowledge of, and respect for both the Christian and the Muslim religions. Our marriage is fully respected by both our families. Under pressure of her friends at the mosque, however, my wife starts to feel more and more apprehensive about the validity of our marriage. I am aware of the nullity of our marriage under Islamic law, but my question is: should such a marriage indeed be considered null and void, irrespective of the fact that it has resulted in a happy family with two children and respect for the two religions?
Regards,

Maurits Berger
Netherlands

Answer:

Thank you for contacting JI dear Dear Maurits Berger!

Let us be frank with you at the very outset. The marriage was certainly not valid under Islamic Law. The permission given in the Qur’an is only for a Muslim man to marry a chaste lady from the People of the Book (Jews and Christian). This facility was not available to a Muslim lady. You said she was a practicing Muslim and that her family had no objection to the marriage. It shows they either did not know the Law, or were not mindful of that.

Luckily you confessed that you "respect" Islam as well. What does that mean, however? Do you consider it was a true religion? Then what bars you from confessing it openly? Believe us, we are not taking advantage of your situation to suggest to you the acceptance of Islam. We are drawing from your own stated confession - an honest one, we believe, and that provides a ray of hope for the family.

Let us tell you something. Your wife, or any Muslim for that matter, will not be accepted as Muslim unless they declare un-conditional belief in the Prophethood of Jesus (peace be upon him) and the Book that was revealed to him. Will it be unfair then, if you were asked to have similar faith in Muhammad (peace be upon him) as the true Messenger of God, as he brought the same Message from the same God? You will need no "conversion". It will be re-affirmation of the true faith and teachings of Jesus (p.b.u.h.). Above all, it will give your family life (past and present) the legitimacy as required under the Islamic Law. Having done that, you will not need any fresh marriage contract, except to declare agreement to the relevant provisions under Islamic Law that speak about the rights and obligations of the spouses.

If you could believe, we shall be the last on earth to give even the least consideration to the idea of separation between you and your wife. If it was for me, we will go to any limits and do what we could to save that relationship, which is very dear to God as the Muslims are told. What however, we can not do - nor any Muslim can dare suggest - is to break the Law of God. Consider the merits of Islam, accept it happily and for God’s sake, and have your marital life saved, which, as you said, must be wonderfully happy.

We pray that God Almighty be your true Guide and help you through this ordeal. Ameen!

With best of wishes.

M. Haq


Question:

Dear Sir,
I am a Christian female. My boyfriend is a Muslim. We intend to get married, I’ve never asked him to convert, he's never asked me to do so, but I know that he wants me to. Because of some family problems, when I couldn’t find any other way to be with him, I decided to convert. I haven't done so as yet, but somehow, I feel really awkward with this decision. Sometimes I just feel like telling him that I don’t want to convert, but he seems so happy with it, that I don’t have the heart to tell him so. His family and friends know that I will be converting, but as you said, its not necessary for a Non-Muslim female to convert. What should I do? Please help me out with this situation. I’m in great anxiety. Thanks.

Anonymous
Karachi

 

Answer:

Thank you for contacting JI dear Anonymous,
We never said that a non-Muslim lady should not convert of she wishes to marry a Muslim man. But we did say that a Christian and a Jew lady may not convert. She (as your case is) may stay what she is and marry the Muslim ‘boy’ of her choice. This is a special privilege that Islam accords to Christianity and Judaism. Do you know why? Because Moses and Jesus and all prophets of the house of Israel and the rest of prophets (peace be on them all) were all Muslims. That we know for sure. Therefore we often request Christian and Jew to come back and embrace the true religion of the prophets. Muhammad (p.b.u.h.) never preached anything different from the past revealed Messages of Allah.

That said by way of clarification, you please should not convert as long as you are feeling un-easy. We know how difficult it is fro a person to change his/her faith. But then you will have double reward, if you do. Above all, it will ensure harmony and sustained understanding and affection with your spouse.

Let me repeat. You can marry the boy without converting. He should not press, because that is not required.
Wish you good luck.

M. Haq


Question:

Are muslim men allowed to marry non-muslim (specifically hindu) girls?

Nasir
Canada

Answer:

Assalam-o-Alaikum dear Nasir, thank you for contacting JI.
A Muslim boy can NOT marry a Hindu girl. The Qur'an has allowed marriage with only a Jew or a Christian lady, who is noted as belonging to ahle-kitab. Some people refer to Muhammad bin Qasim, or the Umayad rulers in Damascus (Dimishq), who treated the Indian subjects as dhimis (like Jews and Christian), but that was only for the purpose of jidhya (revenue) extraction. That political decision can not be extended to the Qur'anic injunction of marriage permission.
Wassalam,

M. Haq

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    namesdontmatter
     
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    Quote namesdontmatter Replybullet Posted: 13 March 2005 at 9:59am
    .... Wow. That is a lot of response for only a short period of time. I guess that means I posted on the right forum? :)





    Edited by namesdontmatter - 04 January 2009 at 5:44pm
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    Nausheen
     
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    Quote Nausheen Replybullet Posted: 14 March 2005 at 5:40pm

    Auzubillahi minash shaitan ir rajeem,

    Bismillah ir rehman ir rahim,

    Hello Dear Seeker, 

    I am afraid that if I begin to practice Islam, it will be for a woman and not for myself and certainly not for God. I am afraid that if I do not practice Islam, she and I can never be together. What shall I do?

    It could be that this girl is your means to draw close to your Creator. You may begin with the desire to know this girl and her religion, and end up worshiping her Lord (who is technically your Lord as well) in the manner He is worthy of worship.

    He is the one who turns the hearts, so be hopeful and seek the guidance in a proper manner.  For now this would be best for you.

    or whether or not I need to be Muslim first before I can pray to Him,

    You can Pray to God as anyone, Muslim or not. He is the Creator and Sustainer of all. Prayers are turned to Him, and answered from Him alone.

    Investigate islam, ask questions, ask about resources, etc. Seek to understand why muslims pray the way they do, before you want to pray like them.

    I have asked God for guidance, and have decided to submit to whatever He chooses for me.

    This is submission to God. A muslim takes the means to deal with the issues in his life, and at the same time, relies not on the means but the will and power of God, to deliver him to success.

    Glory be to Allah, you have the right attitude. You will be guided, if He so wills.

    Maa salaama,

    Nausheen



    Edited by Nausheen
    Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
    Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
    wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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    dany_steward
     
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    Quote dany_steward Replybullet Posted: 17 March 2005 at 6:38pm


    Listen, remember this; God is one God and He is the father of Jesus Christ our Savior. You are concern bout getting or not getting married to a women that obviously is the opposite to your believe and must certain to my believe to. You are to young, nonetheless, you are a good man and a good Christian. Now, I can tell you this, do not married a women that you will have to follow her to your believes and that is not possible. God the Almighty is given me the opportunity to tell you to run from that relationship due to that you will be not be happy. Now if you do that, you will have to comply with a religion that do things in a very opposite way to our believes. You must think twice and not disregard this my advice. I truly believe you must make a stop and re-think bout what are you about to do; that will cost your future forever, and nothing can change it once you are in that religion. Please forgive if I sound like racist, but I am not, I am just telling you what is in my heart. Please pray to God the Almighty not to some god where you must follow regardless you want or doesn’t.
    Thank you my friend, and ask you to forgive me for my bad spelling and writing.
    God bless you and be-careful.

    Danny.


    Edited by dany_steward
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    Angel
     
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    Quote Angel Replybullet Posted: 17 March 2005 at 7:03pm
    Dany, may I ask where you think the original poster is Christian ?
    ~ Our feet are earthbound, but our hearts and our minds have wings ~
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