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Message Icon Topic: Why (and how) women cheat? Post Reply Post New Topic
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Nausheen
 
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Quote Nausheen Replybullet Posted: 15 June 2005 at 5:25am

Assalaualaikum Zaman,

First of all, you have said in one of your posts that you were justifying adultry, and then you go on to say that u were not ... confusing. I dont have time to uote everything, so this will be short and quick, pls excuse me for the haste.

You say, whne a man cheats he cheats only the other man (by soliciting a relationship with his wife), and in course he does not cheat his wife. This is not comprehensible. marriage is not just a contract on paper, it binds two ppl emotionally and spiritually. The love, the trust, the sharing that exists between two people, is mercilessly massacred in a cheating. There may not be a material harm to the wife, whose husband is cheating on her, but it does damage the bond.

The trust is lost. The woman may loose her self confidence, the joy and pleasure she takes in living and making his house .... and you are trying to say this is not cheating, not harm? or that it is a lesser harm?

Can you explain why  is the harm less? And why is the other man harmed more? Is it because his ego, his respect in the society marred when his wife is cheating on him? Is it not same for the woman whose man is cheating on her?

You said prophet(SAW) did not say much about men treating their wives in his last sermon. I suggest you read the last sermon. He said the best of you is one who treats his wife best. And he said you must treat your wives with kindness. Cheating is not the best treatment and it is no where even close to kindness.

Maa salaama,

Nausheen

Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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Israfil
 
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Quote Israfil Replybullet Posted: 15 June 2005 at 4:48pm

Quote:

I can remember a time where a Muslimah told me she loved me and later called me one night and told me: "While I was with you I was also planning my marriage."

But she wasn't married to you.

 

Wow bro you have no intellectual capacity to understand transgression...This is scary

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Israfil
 
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Quote Israfil Replybullet Posted: 15 June 2005 at 4:52pm

By the Way as sister Nausheen mentions when you justify infidelity and retack what you say later that is not only being hypocritical but contradictory...Oh BTW I like the comment about equating cheating equal between a man and a woman as a "Western concept" and is unislamic. Unfortunately yor mindset is not Islamic in this case because Allah says in the Qur'an that all sin (save Shirk) is repentable hence all are equal since sin is a transgression of God's law. So if a man cheats the intensity of his sin is as great as a woman who sins.

BTW that little comment I posted earlier I also would like to add that if an engaged woman is also engaged to another man (two men mind you) she is committing adultry. Like I said its scary you can't tell the difference between transgression and fidelity. Scary

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DavidC
 
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Quote DavidC Replybullet Posted: 15 June 2005 at 6:00pm
Scary is a good description. There was a long period in my life that had no
spiritual focus and was ruled by alcohol and sex.

Having sex without a spiritual connection is frightening and hollow and cold.
I think some people live their whole life this way, never experiencing true
connection with someone else.

Israfil is right: scary.
David C.
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Nausheen
 
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Quote Nausheen Replybullet Posted: 15 June 2005 at 8:58pm
Originally posted by ZamanH

Are you saying a man can sleep around but a woman mustn't?

No, not at all. If a man has sex outside marriage, at worst, he can be deceiving another man, but not his own wife. I was justifying polygamy.

Originally posted by ZamanH

I WAS NOT JUSTIFYING ADULTERY.Dammit.A man who commits adultery IS certainly wrong. The entire arguement is over the reason as to  WHY is he wrong. My point is, he is wrong because he decieves father/husband/family of the woman he commits adultery with,only. But he certainly does not betrays his wife by doing that.

I need to correct myself, you were indeed trying to justify "polygamy", not adultery.  but I dont understand how, where it looks like you are justifying the act of adultery.

can you please explain further, how you can justify polygamy,  in respect to a man who is actually "deceiving" a family?

Polygamy is not deciet. In fact the very idea of polygamy is to avoid so many other social evils which come into picture when there are relationships outside marriage, rather than within marriage.

The man who is commiting adultery is not only deceiving the father/husband of the woman, he is aslo deceiving his own wife and children. Why do u not want to consider the deciet in his own home as a crime?

Maa salaama,

Nausheen

Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
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ZamanH
 
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Quote ZamanH Replybullet Posted: 16 June 2005 at 12:16pm

Originally posted by Israfil


Oh BTW I like the comment about equating cheating equal between a man and a woman as a "Western concept" and is unislamic.

Ok, that was a mistake. Equating the hurt, which either of them (man/woman) receives when their spouse cheats them is a modern western concept (that is not realated to Islam).

 

Originally posted by Nausheen


Can you explain why  is the harm less? And why is the other man harmed more? Is it because his ego, his respect in the society marred when his wife is cheating on him? Is it not same for the woman whose man is cheating on her?

As I had earlier said, intercourse also means pledge of living together(irrespective of the partners following it or not). And also, women leave their earlier home to live with their mate. If a married woman has sex outside marriage, she is promising the other man too, of living with him (and of going to his house). This, I consider to be cheating because she had earlier promised her husband of living with him and staying in his house (and because she cannot possibly stay in the two houses at the same time).

If a man commits adultery, he does not promise to goto the house of the  woman with whom he has commited adultery (and thus leave his wife). I don't see how is he cheating his wife (though, he is cheating another man).

Originally posted by Nausheen

but I dont understand how, where it looks like you are justifying the act of adultery.

You might have got that impression because I have been saying wife of the man is not betrayed by him if he had sex with another woman (and the reverse is true). This, I saw as the first step towards justifying polygamy to  non-muslims (of course, there are other reasons too, like men crave more for sex compared to women etc., but I thought this was the main reason).

 



Edited by ZamanH
An enemy of an enemy is a fickle friend.
There will be more women in hell than men.
..for persecution is worse than the slaughter of the enemy..(Quran 2:191)
Heaven lies under mother's feet
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kim!
 
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Quote kim! Replybullet Posted: 16 June 2005 at 4:11pm
Originally posted by ZamanH

Originally posted by Israfil


Oh BTW I like the comment about equating cheating equal between a man and a woman as a "Western concept" and is unislamic.

Ok, that was a mistake. Equating the hurt, which either of them (man/woman) receives when their spouse cheats them is a modern western concept (that is not realated to Islam).

What???? I'm sorry - I'm either losing my English language abilities, or you are implying that men and women are only treated equally and only have equal feelings because of the West.

Could you PLEASE explain what the above means? I am really, very, extremely confused.

Kim...

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kim!
 
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Quote kim! Replybullet Posted: 16 June 2005 at 4:17pm
Originally posted by ZamanH

 

As I had earlier said, intercourse also means pledge of living together(irrespective of the partners following it or not). And also, women leave their earlier home to live with their mate. If a married woman has sex outside marriage, she is promising the other man too, of living with him (and of going to his house). This, I consider to be cheating because she had earlier promised her husband of living with him and staying in his house (and because she cannot possibly stay in the two houses at the same time).

If a man commits adultery, he does not promise to goto the house of the  woman with whom he has commited adultery (and thus leave his wife). I don't see how is he cheating his wife (though, he is cheating another man). 

HE IS CHEATING!!! You just said he was committing adultery - this is CHEATING.

PLease - NEVER get married. You are obviously NOT to be trusted.

Your "man" (read: spineless jellyfish) in the above example is not "cheating" according to you, so you obviously think he should not be punished. But how muhc punishment would the woman get? Beatings? Lashings? torture? imprisonment? Death?

If your man can sleep around - who will he sleep with? Sheep? Goats? No - WOMEN. If your "man" can cheat - so can women.

Hypocrites.

No wonder so many people can't be bothered reverting - why would they. The overriding, overwhelming view of all of this is that men are superior, men can sleep around, men can murder...and women can do dishes, pump out babies and be tortured.

You make me sick.

Kim...

 

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