IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum: Wife supports husband

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Sophie

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Joined: 04 July 2007
Location: United States
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Posts: 23

Topic: Wife supports husband
Posted: 05 October 2007 at 5:53pm

Salaam Alaykum brothers. I hope you do not mind this intrusion on your part of the forum. But I would like the opinions of Muslim men on an issue. I am Muslima,married to a much younger Muslim man for over 4 years now. I am 12 years older. Since we married I have been supporting both of us on my income alone. He pay's no bills for the house,for food,nothing. I believe our love is true, I just wonder why,as a Muslim man is instructed,why he does not contribute anything finanically to our house. I pay for everything. When the issue of money comes up,he gets sullen and angry and threatens to leave me. To divorce me. I pay no attention to those threats anymore,because he never leaves and never haas divorced me yet. I am a good wife. I take care of his every need. Am I too good? I mean, am I too patient with him? Shukron Jeezen for your thoughtful reply's.

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abuayisha

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Joined: 05 October 1999
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Posts: 3991

Posted: 05 October 2007 at 10:58pm

Are you too patient with him is a question only you can answer. When and if your patience runs out, as I'm sure you already know, it is your right to demand and expect that he spends on your needs. If he hasn't the ability or refuses it is grounds for ending the marriage. Does he have marketable skills? Is he employable, meaning well groomed and presentable? Does he have a resume and know how to conduct himself in a job interview? What does he do when you are at work? Any kids in your relationship?

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Hayfa
Female Islam
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Joined: 07 June 2005
Location: United States
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Posts: 2370

Posted: 09 November 2007 at 6:36am

Hi Sophie,

I think he has a good deal going for him, that is what I think personally.

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

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Megatron

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Joined: 26 December 2001
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Posts: 279

Posted: 01 January 2008 at 7:47pm

Hello Sophie,

How can I put this lightly. You married what I like to refer to as a "loser". By you putting up with his laziness, that makes you a loser yourself.

If you had the slightest bit of self-esteem you would have left him long ago or wouldn't have been with him in the first place. But finding a woman with self-esteem is like finding a needle in a haystack so I don't blame you.

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Kashimoto

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Joined: 14 November 2006
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Posts: 38

Posted: 13 February 2008 at 11:57am

does he have imigration thing that he can't get a job? maybe?

Allah is the Supreme Creator

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Lameese
Female
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Joined: 08 April 2002
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 307

Posted: 16 April 2008 at 7:20pm

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Sophie, you and I are going through the same thing. My husband let me support him and have the children and work 12 hour shifts while he laid on my couch. His mama told him he should not have to help around the house. 3 years into this I threatened divorce if he did not get a job, he looked for 2 days and then no more, I went to a lawyer. My father stepped in and got him a job with a friend. He then worked 2 days a week and went to school and paid for only his credit card bill and his car payment. When he did not make a good enough grad to get into the program he needed, I asked him to start helping support this family. His reply was that he was only going to work the 2 days a week and pay for just his bills, that I could afford to support him.

My advise to you is to find out if you are just a free ride from his ever having to be a man or he really respects you. I am in the middle of divorcing my husband now. He is born and raised in the Middle East and he thinks I should support him. The law had to step in and MAKE him pay for his children.

Good Luck to you and I am here if you need to talk. I have been through all of what you are going through now.

Lameese

You Shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another and let it be a moving sea between the the shores of your soul

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Israfil

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Joined: 08 September 2003
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3984

Posted: 17 May 2008 at 11:12pm

"My husband let me support him and have the children and work 12 hour shifts while he laid on my couch. His mama told him he should not have to help around the house."

A man likes this does not deserve a good woman......As a man, if i did that I hope (if I didn't learn then) be ashamed of myself for allowing my life partner to do all the work.

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Hayfa
Female Islam
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Joined: 07 June 2005
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2370

Posted: 04 July 2008 at 9:06am

Saalams Sophie,

How is it going??

hayfa

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

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Author	Message
Sophie Newbie Joined: 04 July 2007 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 23	Topic: Wife supports husband Posted: 05 October 2007 at 5:53pm
	Salaam Alaykum brothers. I hope you do not mind this intrusion on your part of the forum. But I would like the opinions of Muslim men on an issue. I am Muslima,married to a much younger Muslim man for over 4 years now. I am 12 years older. Since we married I have been supporting both of us on my income alone. He pay's no bills for the house,for food,nothing. I believe our love is true, I just wonder why,as a Muslim man is instructed,why he does not contribute anything finanically to our house. I pay for everything. When the issue of money comes up,he gets sullen and angry and threatens to leave me. To divorce me. I pay no attention to those threats anymore,because he never leaves and never haas divorced me yet. I am a good wife. I take care of his every need. Am I too good? I mean, am I too patient with him? Shukron Jeezen for your thoughtful reply's.
	IP Logged

abuayisha Senior Member Joined: 05 October 1999 Online Status: Offline Posts: 3991	Posted: 05 October 2007 at 10:58pm
	Are you too patient with him is a question only you can answer. When and if your patience runs out, as I'm sure you already know, it is your right to demand and expect that he spends on your needs. If he hasn't the ability or refuses it is grounds for ending the marriage. Does he have marketable skills? Is he employable, meaning well groomed and presentable? Does he have a resume and know how to conduct himself in a job interview? What does he do when you are at work? Any kids in your relationship?
	IP Logged

Hayfa Female Islam Senior Member Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 2370	Posted: 09 November 2007 at 6:36am
	Hi Sophie, I think he has a good deal going for him, that is what I think personally.
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
	IP Logged

Megatron Senior Member Joined: 26 December 2001 Online Status: Offline Posts: 279	Posted: 01 January 2008 at 7:47pm
	Hello Sophie, How can I put this lightly. You married what I like to refer to as a "loser". By you putting up with his laziness, that makes you a loser yourself. If you had the slightest bit of self-esteem you would have left him long ago or wouldn't have been with him in the first place. But finding a woman with self-esteem is like finding a needle in a haystack so I don't blame you.
	IP Logged

Kashimoto Newbie Joined: 14 November 2006 Location: Japan Online Status: Offline Posts: 38	Posted: 13 February 2008 at 11:57am
	does he have imigration thing that he can't get a job? maybe?
	Allah is the Supreme Creator
	IP Logged

Lameese Female Senior Member Joined: 08 April 2002 Online Status: Offline Posts: 307	Posted: 16 April 2008 at 7:20pm
	Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Sophie, you and I are going through the same thing. My husband let me support him and have the children and work 12 hour shifts while he laid on my couch. His mama told him he should not have to help around the house. 3 years into this I threatened divorce if he did not get a job, he looked for 2 days and then no more, I went to a lawyer. My father stepped in and got him a job with a friend. He then worked 2 days a week and went to school and paid for only his credit card bill and his car payment. When he did not make a good enough grad to get into the program he needed, I asked him to start helping support this family. His reply was that he was only going to work the 2 days a week and pay for just his bills, that I could afford to support him. My advise to you is to find out if you are just a free ride from his ever having to be a man or he really respects you. I am in the middle of divorcing my husband now. He is born and raised in the Middle East and he thinks I should support him. The law had to step in and MAKE him pay for his children. Good Luck to you and I am here if you need to talk. I have been through all of what you are going through now. Lameese
	You Shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another and let it be a moving sea between the the shores of your soul
	IP Logged

Israfil Senior Member Joined: 08 September 2003 Online Status: Offline Posts: 3984	Posted: 17 May 2008 at 11:12pm
	"My husband let me support him and have the children and work 12 hour shifts while he laid on my couch. His mama told him he should not have to help around the house." A man likes this does not deserve a good woman......As a man, if i did that I hope (if I didn't learn then) be ashamed of myself for allowing my life partner to do all the work.
	IP Logged

Hayfa Female Islam Senior Member Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 2370	Posted: 04 July 2008 at 9:06am
	Saalams Sophie, How is it going?? hayfa
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
	IP Logged