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Groups Women (Sisters)
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anonymous123
 
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Quote anonymous123 Replybullet Posted: 18 April 2012 at 9:52am
This post is from a long time ago but I hope I can feedback because I have a similar situation with isthikhara. I met a man a couple months back and we decided that we loved each other and agreed that are values and beliefs matched and that inshallah our families would get along. I did not know how to preform istikhara before so i just made a dua to Allah swt asking if this was realtionship was right. I had three very positive dreams and a very happy feeling telling me this is right. We have been through alot together and our relationship always comes out strong and overcomes any obstacles. However now a couple months later my sister feels that it is wrong to continue this relationship because she feels i at 17 am not ready for engagement adn nikkah (the next step). However, I want to continue talking to him because he is like a best friend to me and inshallah see him as my spouse. The soonest my parents would allow me to get engaged is 18 and im not even sure about that...now I dont know if i should continue talking to him or not...I did isthikhara for this decision for two days but have not gotten any results...Advice?
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Chrysalis
 
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 19 April 2012 at 2:23am
Originally posted by Kiwi

Assalamu alaikum. I actually posted this in another discussion but feel as though i should get advise from sisters.

But all of a sudden he told me that he was not ready for marriage.


There is your answer Sister :)


[Quote]

How do I handle the confliction results? Is one "bad" sign enough to trump the positive ones?

Anyone that can offer some advise would be great.



- First of all have firm faith that you (and that guy) will end up marrying whoever is destined for you. Come what may... if you both are meant to be together, then it will happen. If however you both are not meant to be together by Allah (swt) then you can keep waiting as long as you want and nothing will happen...

- After you realise that whatever if meant for you shall happen, inshAllah you will find it very easy to deal with life and relationships. The best thing would be let this matter be, and trust Allah (swt). If you trust Allah with this matter and just give Him the reigns, with full faith - you shall not be disappointed because Allah does not disappoint His Servants who believe in Him.

- Be prepared for the inevitable. Maybe he is not  meant for you. Have the courage to face that fact and move on. You said so yourself that he thinks he is not ready for marriage. Why would you still want to marry him? He clearly is not man enough to face responsibilities... what makes you think you shall be happy with him? Maybe this is Allah's way of letting you know he is not right for you. You can't force him into it, then whats the point? And trust me, men like this are not worth waiting for. He will eventually (pretty soon actually) find someone else and forget all about you. While you being a woman will be emotionally scarred.

- No point in 'waiting'. Best thing is to move on with your life and try not think too much about marrying him. Knowing full well that if you are meant to be, it will be. If in the meanwhille you get a good proposal, don't reject it for this man. Look forward.

-  Sister Yasmin Mogahed has a good lecture on Love & Marriage on youtube. Check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r98RGmC_92s&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PL19DD73CFE08A2114





- She (Yasmin Mogahed) also gives good pointers on how to deal with heartbreak and move on:

http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2012/04/15/on-treating-broken-hearts-love-addictions/




"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Kiwi
 
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Quote Kiwi Replybullet Posted: 24 April 2012 at 8:19am
Salaam!
 
It has definately been a long time since my original post. Brought back memories with you posting in this thread...with that being thread all I can really say from experience is to stop looking for a sign. By doing istikhara you are leaving it up to Allah swt to bring out the results that are good for you. It may involve him and it may not. By you trying to interpret the signs, it will make it just harder on yourself. Keep faith and pray that it will work out. Can you maintain just a friendship with this person even though there are emotions involved? The only way to maintain a friendship is to remove yourself from the emotions already present unil you and your family are ready to take the next step.  All I can really say is just keep you head up and keep your faith. I am read the Quran frequently, but during the time of my initial post, I read the Quran every time I felt conflicted or hurt and reading and praying did give me peace.
 
Just to give an update for me....I ended up not marrying that individual and I am so thankful that I was patient and let it be until the truth came to light. It was into well into 2008 when I called it quits with a peace of mind that what I was doing was right. He was a dishonest person and a cheater. He was not ready to get married because he didnt want to make the commitment to just one girl.  My parents questioned his wavering decision to get married and were able to notice that this was not good guy. I utlimately saw this for myself. Later, he did end up getting married but the girl filed for divorce within 2 months as she suffered emotional abuse from him and his family.
I did recently get married aH. It was a long wait and a struggle but I left it up to Allah swt and the advice from my parents to get a good guy.
Inshallah things will work out for you! Just stay positive!
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semar
 
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Quote semar Replybullet Posted: 24 April 2012 at 10:31pm
Salam,
 
Welcome back Kiwi...
Salam/Peace,
Semar
The Prophet said: "Do not eat before you are hungry, and stop eating before you are full"
"1/3 of your stomach for food 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air"
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Chrysalis
 
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Quote Chrysalis Replybullet Posted: 25 April 2012 at 3:16pm
Originally posted by Kiwi

Salaam!
 
It has definately been a long time since my original post. Brought back memories with you posting in this thread...with that being thread all I can really say from experience is to stop looking for a sign. By doing istikhara you are leaving it up to Allah swt to bring out the results that are good for you. It may involve him and it may not. By you trying to interpret the signs, it will make it just harder on yourself. Keep faith and pray that it will work out. Can you maintain just a friendship with this person even though there are emotions involved? The only way to maintain a friendship is to remove yourself from the emotions already present unil you and your family are ready to take the next step.  All I can really say is just keep you head up and keep your faith. I am read the Quran frequently, but during the time of my initial post, I read the Quran every time I felt conflicted or hurt and reading and praying did give me peace.
 
Just to give an update for me....I ended up not marrying that individual and I am so thankful that I was patient and let it be until the truth came to light. It was into well into 2008 when I called it quits with a peace of mind that what I was doing was right. He was a dishonest person and a cheater. He was not ready to get married because he didnt want to make the commitment to just one girl.  My parents questioned his wavering decision to get married and were able to notice that this was not good guy. I utlimately saw this for myself. Later, he did end up getting married but the girl filed for divorce within 2 months as she suffered emotional abuse from him and his family.
I did recently get married aH. It was a long wait and a struggle but I left it up to Allah swt and the advice from my parents to get a good guy.
Inshallah things will work out for you! Just stay positive!


Good to hear from  you Kiwi! Thanks for the update (and the advise for others).

May Allah bless you and your family both in this world and the hereafter.  Ameen.


"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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