Active TopicsActive Topics  Display List of Forum MembersMemberlist  CalendarCalendar  Search The ForumSearch  HelpHelp
  RegisterRegister  LoginLogin  Old ForumOld Forum  Twitter  Facebook
Advertisement:
         

Groups Women (Sisters)
 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Culture & Community : Groups Women (Sisters)
Message Icon Topic: Help for a friend Post Reply Post New Topic
Page  of 2 Next >>
Author Message
Fear_Allah
Female Islam
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 24 August 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 217
Quote Fear_Allah Replybullet Topic: Help for a friend
    Posted: 12 August 2007 at 7:03am
Assalam alikom,
It's a problem of a friend of me.I just need advice to know what to do with her.
Actually I knew that girl from the net.She is muslim and lives in Uk.She was born muslim.
While I was speaking to her.I firstly asked her if she wears hijab.She said"No".
I asked her why.She said that she just doesn't and seemed to be angry.She also said that she prays nearly five times a WEEK.
I was bothered to hear that.I said that I have to help her.I'm not a scholar but I said that I may try.I try to be good with her and speak gently.
Later,she told me that she has a christian boyfriend.Of course I told her how bad it was.I asked her to leave him immediately.I tried but in vain.
The thing that made me post here is that when I told her that we must be good to please Allah"swt" and for a good life in Paradise inshaa Allah,She answered strangely and said that most of us "even muslims"will go to hell.
She said that she is Sunni and Sunni believe so.I replied that I myself is Sunni alhamdulellah but It was the first time to hear that.I told her that if she did the good and was away of sins,She'll go to Paradise inshaa Allah.
Unfortunately she wasn't convinced.She still knows that guy.
Sometimes I think of leaving her.I don't want her to affect me.But I say again that I have to advise her again and again.I feel a bit responsible of the things she does as I don't try my hardest to convince her.
I really don't know what to do with her.
Please make dua' that Allah"Swt" guides her to the right path.Ameen..
Our LORD! accept from us. You indeed, You are the all-Hearing, the all-Knowing. (2:127)
IP IP Logged
Hayfa
Female  Islam
Senior Member
Senior  Member
Avatar

Joined: 07 June 2005
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2370
Quote Hayfa Replybullet Posted: 12 August 2007 at 11:12am

She really sounds like a confused woman! Its almost like she is "lost." I think her saying that is to justify her actions.. "well I am going to hell anyway..so" She may be "angry" cause you may not be the first person to question her actions. And sometimes anger is "defensive" casue she "knows" she is not doing right.

How old is she, do you have any idea? She sounds about 16.

If you feel that she is negatively affecting you, then give yourself a break. We all need "space" to recharge our batteries.

Also, maybe talk about other subjects as well. If she see you as a "friend" then you can help her more.

 

 

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
IP IP Logged
Fear_Allah
Female Islam
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 24 August 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 217
Quote Fear_Allah Replybullet Posted: 12 August 2007 at 8:56pm
Assalam alikom,
Thanks sister Hayfa for help.
About her age,She is 24...
I really try to befriend her first.But you know,I always ask myself "till when??"
I don't have much times as my university will start in 15/9 inshaa Allah.
Then,I'll be nearly unable to speak with her.
I just feel frustrated when she says to me:"Tomorrow,I'm gonna meet my boyfriend".
I feel that I've to speak..
I know her problem,She-unfortunately-nearly doesn't have muslim friends.She has none to influence her well.Even her family.She always says that she is much better than her sister.
I felt it was good to know each other.But her negative reactions don't help me.
Sometimes I feel it may be my fault as I'm not a good adviser.If you know a good way or a good start,please do tell me.
Finally,I want to know.Will I be guilty if I abandoned her as I know that she has none else to help her??
Again,please make dua' for her.
Our LORD! accept from us. You indeed, You are the all-Hearing, the all-Knowing. (2:127)
IP IP Logged
Salams_wife
 
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 31 July 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 296
Quote Salams_wife Replybullet Posted: 12 August 2007 at 8:57pm
You and your friend are in my prayers.  I can't tell you for sure what is best for you to do in your case.  The best thing I can say is for you to pray for her and make it known you do not accept what she is doing, but that you will be there for her if she needs guidance or help.
IP IP Logged
ak_m_f
 
Senior Member
Senior  Member
Avatar

Joined: 15 October 2005
Location: Canada
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3274
Quote ak_m_f Replybullet Posted: 12 August 2007 at 10:34pm
She has every right to be angry, you should stop interfering in her personal life.
IP IP Logged
Fear_Allah
Female Islam
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 24 August 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 217
Quote Fear_Allah Replybullet Posted: 12 August 2007 at 10:59pm
Assalam alikom,
I'd never speak to her again before I think of hearing of her stories and saying nothing..
Have you ever heard that who keeps his mouth shut on the right is a dumb Satan???
Moreover,I'm not that person who asks and asks.She herself likes me to speak with her about her secrets but my problem is that she justifies her actions strangely and doesn't like to be said wrong...
May Allah help her and me as well..


Edited by Fear_Allah
Our LORD! accept from us. You indeed, You are the all-Hearing, the all-Knowing. (2:127)
IP IP Logged
rookaiya
 
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 04 May 2005
Location: South Africa
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 385
Quote rookaiya Replybullet Posted: 12 August 2007 at 11:55pm

asalamu alaikum

we cant be held accountable for the actions of other people. some people are just too stubborn and no matter how hard you try to tell them the truth, they remain on the wrong path and find every petty excuse to justify their behaviour.

i have a similar friend too, whom i care for very much but i dont agree with some of her behaviours. when i questioned her a few times, she felt that i was over reacting and she made me realise that in the end, Allah SWT is the ultimate judge. for the sake of peace, i no longer comment on her lifestyle.

she knows that im against some of the unislamic things that she does and we opt not to talk about it anymore

through my discussions with her, she made me realise that i too am lacking in so many areas islamically, and instead of picking on her faults, i should rather make myself a better muslimah first. its very hard not to judge those we care for, but who are we to judge. how perfect our our lives and practices?

"so surely with every difficulty there is relief. Surely with every difficulty there is relief. Surah 94. verses 5 and 6
IP IP Logged
Her_Husband
 
Starter
Starter


Joined: 13 August 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 10
Quote Her_Husband Replybullet Posted: 13 August 2007 at 1:09pm

Originally posted by Salams_wife

You and your friend are in my prayers.  I can't tell you for sure what is best for you to do in your case.  The best thing I can say is for you to pray for her and make it known you do not accept what she is doing, but that you will be there for her if she needs guidance or help.

 

                                 Bismi allah al-rahman al-raheem

al-salam alaikum,

well, I know this forum is only for sisters (women), I am sorry if I am not supposed to be here, but I just want to support Salams_wife for what she said, I completely agree with what she has said, to pray for her (though you all know that our prophit Ibraheem asked God to help his father and guide him to bilieve in one God, but I think you all know what God did answer him)

God said in qura'an that he will not change what is going on with people until those people change what is inside them,

so it is really depend on us and on what is inside us, sometimes people choose the easy way just because it is easy and it makes them feel different, but it doesn't mean it is the right thing,

to please allah, it needs hard work from us though God asked us to do what we can and not to try to do what we really can't, Islam is easy and clear,  I will tell you what our prophit Mohammed (alaihi alsalat wa alsalam) has said in this topic:

(if one of you saw something wrong then try to change it by his hands, if he couldn't then by his mouth, if he couldn't then by his heart and this is the weakest faith.)

by his hands means: to change it immediately if he can

by his mouth means: to talk, to tell, that this thing is wrong

by his heart means: to refuse it inside his or her heart and soul, yes the prophit (alaihi alsalat wa alsalam) said this is the weakest faith but it is still faith and it is better than doing nothing, specially sometimes when we are powerless to change the wrong thing by our hands or our mouth,

So dear sister (the one who posted this subject), you did really great by trying to help your friend, and I am gald that you tried, and yes keep trying with the best you can , BUT BUT BUT, if you feel that this thing is affecting your life then leave it cause it means this thing is more bigger than your abilities or your power, your life is more important for you and for your family to keep it going on the right direction and path, you did what you can and you did your best and I am sure you can do even more but it shouldn't affect your life, never, there are always responsibilities in your life and they have priority, so do for that girl what you can but if it strats to affect your life then leave it, there is always God and other people, do as the prophit (alaihi alsalat wa alsalam) has said: change it with your heart, refuse it dear sister and work hard that you and your kids will never be in that situation, and inshallah never.

this is why I support what Salams_wife have said in this topic, and again I support her a lot in what she said and I am so glad for her nice selected words and idea and I am sure it came from her pure heart,

May God bless and help and be with Salams_wife and all the sisters in this forum and all the good people in this world, and I hope he will guide us and all the people in this world to the right way and path that please him and open all the heaven doors for all of us, inshallah, ameen,

Take care all of you and I hope to see more of those nice and good teaching discussions,

good luck for the poster sister for this forum with her friend and most important WITH HER LIFE.

IP IP Logged
Page  of 2 Next >>
Post Reply Post New Topic
Printable version Printable version

Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot create polls in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

Disclaimer:
The opinions expressed herein contain positions and viewpoints that are not necessarily those of IslamiCity. This forum is offered to stimulate dialogue and discussion in our continuing mission of being an educational organization.
If there is any issue with any of the postings please email to icforum at islamicity.com or if you are a forum's member you can use the report button.

Note: The 99 names of Allah avatars are courtesy of www.arthafez.com

Advertisement:



Sponsored by:
Islamicity Membership Program:
IslamiCity Donation Program  http://www.islamicity.com/Donate
IslamiCity Arabic eLearning http://www.islamiCity.com/ArabAcademy
Complete Domain & Hosting Solutions www.icDomain.com
Home for Muslim Tunes www.icTunes.com
Islamic Video Collections www.islamiTV.com
IslamiCity Marriage Site www.icMarriage.com