IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Groups – Women (Sisters) http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum This is an XML content feed of; IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum : Groups – Women (Sisters) : Last 10 Posts Thu, 23 May 2013 13:14:39 +0000 Sat, 18 May 2013 11:04:38 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 8.04 30 www.IslamiCity.com/forum/RSS_topic_feed.asp?FID=47 IslamiCity Forum - Islamic Discussion Forum http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_images/ICForum_Logo.gif http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum Groups – Women (Sisters) : Torn - engagement http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25435&PID=176096#176096 Author: inspiration
Subject: Torn - engagement
Posted: 18 May 2013 at 11:04am

Alsalamu 3alaikum w RahmatuAllah w Barakatu

Salam Sisters

I'm facing a dilemma that I have been holding in since I have gotten engaged. I got engaged a few months ago to a man who my family knows quite well. I got to know him and I wouldn't say I was pressured, but I felt my parents wanted me to give him a chance. I didn't want to at first because I wanted to meet someone on my own because I want to feel in love. I'm over 20 and at an age where I should be in the process of getting married. So I decided to make my parents happy and have them see me get married as that would the best decision, before it's too late. We did our fateha and our katb ktab in a few weeks before the wedding in September. He's a great man and I'm sure he will make an amazing husband because he shows he loves me. I know it's rare to find someone like that. However, I want to feel chemistry, feel excited and want to see him. I do admit part of the reason I didn't want to was because of his looks but I didn't want to seem shallow. Sometimes I feel happy with him and then the next, I feel confused and questioning the whole engagement. I always think that maybe I will love him after I get married. I just want to be able to want to talk to him and feel butterflies.... Like I did with one guy my dad introduced me to a few years back (we'll call him B). This is where I am torn.

The guy I met a few years back in 2010. I went on a trip with my dad to see his friend and his friend has a son (B). At the first meeting, I felt butterflies. I felt so comfortable talking to him. He asked my dad for my email and I assumed it's because he wanted to get to know me and get married. We talked for a while and when I told him how I felt and wanted to move on to the next level and get engaged, he was not ready. I stopped talking to him. I wanted someone to chase after me, not the other way around. We kept talking on and off, with a huge gap in months. I got engaged, still didn't talk to B because I wanted to respect my fiance. It has been around 6 months since we talked and he contacted me to catch up. I wanted to see what he wanted because I was curious. I didn't tell him I was engaged because I wanted to see if he wanted to be with me. I can sense that he does want to be with me but he hasn't expressed anything. He lives 5 hours away so it was hard for us to be together and he didn't want to get to know me electronically.

I'm just worried that if I get married, I will regret it. I will think, I could have done better. Or what if I went in this direction. Or what if I waited to see other potentials (which not many came because I can sense they feel intimidated and scared to approach me). I'm worried if I break it off for lack of reason, I will get punished by Allah (SWT) for hurting someone emotionally. I will get punished by not finding someone else. I will get punished by not having kids. Only Allah (SWT) knows. I guess, I don't want to break it off because I won't find someone who would want to be with someone who was engaged before.

Maybe it's the Shaytan getting into my head. I honestly don't know. I guess I fear that I will regret this marriage. What can I do? What SHOULD I do? Will marriage change my feelings for him? Will I grow to love him?? Any guidance will help. Jazaakumunna-llaahu khayran.]]> Sat, 18 May 2013 11:04:38 +0000 http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25435&PID=176096#176096 Groups – Women (Sisters) : domestic violence http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25294&PID=176085#176085 Author: Caringheart
Subject: domestic violence
Posted: 17 May 2013 at 5:13pm

Originally posted by karimah33

Thank you and Insha'Allah everything will work out as it should. I have spoken to him in the last couple of days. He is showing some remorse for his actions and it seems that he wants to change his life. We are taking things very slow and Insha'Allah by the time the baby is due. We will be able to come together as a family.


My best wishes, and prayers, for you. Heart
]]> Fri, 17 May 2013 17:13:14 +0000 http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25294&PID=176085#176085 Groups – Women (Sisters) : confused whether to leave or stay with husband http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25281&PID=176071#176071 Author: bahira
Subject: confused whether to leave or stay with husband
Posted: 16 May 2013 at 4:15pm

Salaam sister, I'm so sorry no one has answered your call for help here in so long, but if I can help now I will.  Insha'allah you are doing OK...

I'm very sorry to hear of you going through something so horrible.  My husband hit me too.  Between that and his other abusive behavior (because abuse is not just physical) I have since divorced him.

Insha'allah you will have the strength to do what it is YOU believe YOU need to do.  But I think the most important thing right now is that you need your family and friends to support you in this difficult time.  And please, find a good therapist while you are still here in the States, to help you sort your thoughts and feelings.  During my divorce, and the tough times leading up to it, I leaned on my therapist heavily and I'm very happy I did.

You sound as though you're terrified of your husband.  I'm sorry to say that doesn't sound like marriage, but tyranny.

But as always, Allah knows best.  The Qur'an teaches the men to be respectful.  He should respect you, but he is not.  Maybe an Islamic marital counselor could help.

Salaam,

Bahira
]]> Thu, 16 May 2013 16:15:40 +0000 http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25281&PID=176071#176071 Groups – Women (Sisters) : domestic violence http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25294&PID=176046#176046 Author: nothing
Subject: domestic violence
Posted: 16 May 2013 at 12:12am

That is very refreshing news, alhamdulillah, the baby deserves that.

All the best.
]]> Thu, 16 May 2013 00:12:52 +0000 http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25294&PID=176046#176046 Groups – Women (Sisters) : domestic violence http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25294&PID=176040#176040 Author: karimah33
Subject: domestic violence
Posted: 15 May 2013 at 7:08pm

Thank you and Insha'Allah everything will work out as it should. I have spoken to him in the last couple of days. He is showing some remorse for his actions and it seems that he wants to change his life. We are taking things very slow and Insha'Allah by the time the baby is due. We will be able to come together as a family.

]]> Wed, 15 May 2013 19:08:49 +0000 http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25294&PID=176040#176040 Groups – Women (Sisters) : Importance of women(Ayatollah Khamenei) http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25340&PID=175979#175979 Author: whitelion553
Subject: Importance of women(Ayatollah Khamenei)
Posted: 12 May 2013 at 12:31pm

http://english.khamenei.ir//index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=1781]]> Sun, 12 May 2013 12:31:47 +0000 http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25340&PID=175979#175979 Groups – Women (Sisters) : Marriage problems http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25288&PID=175945#175945 Author: NABA
Subject: Marriage problems
Posted: 10 May 2013 at 8:20am

In sha Allah everything will b fine.remember this-with every difficulty comes a relief(ch 94 v 6).May Allah grant U and ur family a bright future and solve all ur problems.Allahfiz

]]> Fri, 10 May 2013 08:20:50 +0000 http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25288&PID=175945#175945 Groups – Women (Sisters) : How to stop regretting!? http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25069&PID=175924#175924 Author: proud2bmuslim
Subject: How to stop regretting!?
Posted: 09 May 2013 at 8:15am

waalaikum Assalam sister,
ur story is exactly the same as mine.. even my cousin was very much interested in me since childhood n he too proposed me for marriage.. he was religious, decent, educated n well settled. n both our families liked dat v get married. but jus like u, even i dint like it or felt attracted to him as v grew along together. but i realized to have missed him only when his engagement was fixed. then i could do nothing as i deserved it as i jus took him for granted n ignored him all the while. not only that, even after that, i got so many proposals of gud guys with desired qualities. yet i kept rejecting fr one or the other faults or reasons.. but now i am 29, unmarried,n i deeply regret for having rejected all those gud offers and i really really regret for having done so. now all the guys are of younger age to me, or if even elder to me, they dnt want a girl my age. i really deserved it n iam purely to b blamed for it. the only thing that's good abt it is, that it has brought me closer towards doing Allah's ibadat as i can hope of nothing else than his help and mercy.. as he is Al Rahmaan, Ar raheem n i keep reciting 'Ya lateefu'(for Allah (swt) to forgive me n help me).
Also, dear siter dont be depressed, as Muhammad(saw) said that being sad or depressed will only spoil your health.. so it may lead to other health problems. believe in Allah, pray n do lots of istagfar for what ever sins or mistakes u have done.. hope you will get a very gud spouse soon in sha Allah. remember me in ur dua..]]> Thu, 09 May 2013 08:15:59 +0000 http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25069&PID=175924#175924 Groups – Women (Sisters) : domestic violence http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25294&PID=175913#175913 Author: nothing
Subject: domestic violence
Posted: 08 May 2013 at 10:34pm

Originally posted by karimah33

Salaam, as I know hitting a woman while pregnant is very wrong. My husband is battling substance abuse and alcoholism. I think this might have caused him to become angry. He was not able to get alcohol or drugs for a couple of days. He has never been violent like this.

I just cannot understand why this would happen and now three months before our baby is due. I know that this is not my fault, but I do not want to lose my husband.

I am sorry to hear your situation, you are on very difficult situation sister, a catch 22, I can see your problem. Hopefully he will become an independent person first before taking up the duty of a husband and a father.

I hope only good thing for you and the baby.

Salaam.



Edited by nothing - 08 May 2013 at 10:35pm]]> Wed, 08 May 2013 22:34:42 +0000 http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25294&PID=175913#175913 Groups – Women (Sisters) : domestic violence http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25294&PID=175906#175906 Author: Caringheart
Subject: domestic violence
Posted: 08 May 2013 at 10:38am

Originally posted by karimah33

Yes I agree this is a culture clash. I just cannot understand why this would happen and now three months before our baby is due. I know that this is not my fault, but I do not want to lose my husband. Putting him in the jail might have just caused me to lose him. Right now I was informed he will be leaving for kuwait and he will not be allowed back into the country because he could have killed the baby when he hit me and something to do with his school. If he leaves I will more than likely never see him again and he will ask for divorce. I am so confused and deeply depressed. I know Allah will help me through this but right now I feel completely hopeless.

Greetings karimah,
I am so sorry.  I know, no one chooses to raise a child alone.  I had to raise my 3 children alone after my husband left but God's grace and goodness got me through as I turned my life to Him.  I hope you find the support that you need in your community.  It does sound, thankfully, as though your family is there for you, yes?  You would not want to live your life being beaten, or to raise a child in that environment.  Perhaps God will send a partner who will treat you well and be a good example for your child.  No matter what you must lean on God as your provider and your strength.
Salaam and may God's blessings be with you,
Caringheart

I so wish my other posts had not disappeared.  I know that I was moved to share my heart with you the other night. Heart


Edited by Caringheart - 08 May 2013 at 10:48am]]> Wed, 08 May 2013 10:38:08 +0000 http://www.IslamiCity.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=25294&PID=175906#175906