Marriage: Recommended practices

Q365 :I am about to be married. Will you please tell me what is recommended of practices connected with marriage. What about the party and its timings?


A365 : It is strongly recommended that a person who has made up his mind to propose to a family to get married to its daughter should see the girl. Jabir ibn Abdullah quotes the Prophet as saying: "If anyone of you intends to propose to a woman and he can see of her what encourages him to marry her, he should do so." Jabir acted on this Hadith as he reports: "I proposed to a woman from the clan of Salamah and I used to hide in some places where I knew she would be passing until I saw of her what encouraged me to go ahead with the marriage." Al-Mugheerah ibn Shu'bah, a companion of the Prophet, proposed to a woman and informed the Prophet of that. He asked him: "Have you seen her?" When Al-Mugheerah answered in the negative, the Prophet said: "Go and see her because that makes a more successful marriage." Many scholars have pointed out that this concession is granted to a person who wants to propose to a woman and that he may see her when she wears the clothes she ordinarily wears in front of her father or brothers. At the time of making the marriage contract, the person who is drawing the contract is recommended to start with a short speech pointing out the advantages of marriage and praying for the couple and those who are present. After the contract is made, supplication for blessing the marriage is recommended. It is also recommended to publicize the marriage. Lady Aisha quotes the Prophet as saying: "Publicize the marriage and make it in mosques and play the tambourine" (Related by Ahmad and Al-Tirmithi). It is perfectly in order to have some singing as well. There are several Hadiths that point out that the Prophet has encouraged this. Lady Aisha went with a young bride to her husband's home. The Prophet told her: "Aisha you did not have any singers with you. The Anssar like that." (Related by Al-Bukhari and Ahmad). Some reports of this Hadith quote the Prophet as saying: "Why have you not sent with her a girl to play to the tambourine, and sing" Lady Aisha asked the Prophet what should that singing girl say and he said three lines of simple poetry which is suitable for singing. Obviously, such poetry should be free from any obscenity. It is strongly recommended, according to the majority of scholars to have a party and invite relatives, neighbors and friends. The timing of this party is shortly after making the marriage contract or at the wedding or shortly afterwards, as is the prevailing custom in one's community. Al-Bukhari mentions that the Prophet gave this party after he had consummated his marriage with Zainab. Any one who is invited to this party should attend, unless he has a compelling reason for not attending. This is due to the fact that the party is meant to add to the publicity of the marriage and to make the local community share in the happiness of one of it members.


Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News - Jeddah )