Marriage: Parental consent for marriage

Q361 :I know a non-Muslim girl who is ready to accept Islam and whom I wish to marry. My parents disagree with me and say that I should not marry her. Would I be 'not dutiful' to my parents if I go ahead and marry her?


A361 : Being dutiful to parents requires you to be kind to them and respectful of their wishes. This does not mean that you have to obey them in every single case. It is often the case that you can determine what serves your interests better than your parents who may not be as experienced in your affairs as you yourself are. Part of being kind to parents is not to show them that you do not think highly of their opinion. It is always possible to persuade parents to change their opinion on many matters, if one is able to show them that a different course of action serves the best interests of their son. However, it is often the case that parents can see certain things which their son or daughter are unable to see, because of their immediate involvement in a certain situation. When a son or daughter defers to his parents' opinion, praying Allah to guide him to what is in his own benefit, he is likely to be more successful, because Allah rewards him for being so dutiful to his parents and guides his footsteps to what is beneficial and proper. I cannot give you any concrete advice on whether you should marry this girl or not. I realize that there is mutual agreement between the two of you to get married. Both of you think that your marriage will be very successful. It may be so, but it is often possible to be rash in such situations. Therefore, it is always wise to be extra-cautious. You should ask yourself whether the readiness which your friend shows to embrace Islam is a genuine desire motivated by an appropriate understanding of Islam or is it simply a step she is ready to take in order to secure that she is married to you? This makes a great deal of difference. If it is the latter, then you should listen to your parents and abandon the idea of marrying her altogether. On the other hand, if this woman has made a good study of Islam and is ready to become a Muslim, then she may be a very good wife to you. [If the lady has made a conscious decision to embrace Islam, she would not then relate it to her marriage to you. She would embrace Islam, regardless of whether or not this marriage were to take place.] What you should do [in such a case] is to try to make your parents see her virtues so that they consent to your marriage and all is well within the family. If they, nevertheless, continue to object, you will not be doing something forbidden if you go ahead and marry her, realizing that she is a good Muslim.


Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News - Jeddah )