Divorce: Inducing a woman to get divorced to marry someone else

Q161 :I knew a young woman whom I dearly loved to marry. I talked to her mother and brother, but they did not take my proposal seriously. They arranged her marriage. I still feel the same toward her. Is it all right if I try to persuade her to get divorced so that I can marry her?

A161 : What you feel is not unusual in the sense that you have had great hopes that you will share your life and future with this lady, and that the two of you will do every thing possible to ensure your mutual happiness. The fact that you were not able to realize your dreams still lingers with you causing you much pain. However, a Muslim must train himself to accept all life's eventualities and trust God to give him what is better than what he may choose for himself. In the life of everyone of us certain wishes and hopes are frustrated and we find ourselves unable to take control of what seems to us to be of utmost importance. We, however, try to accept the new situation and make the best of it. As time passes we discover that we are much happier with the way things have turned out. If we are given the choice again we would certainly choose to continue with what we got rather than go back to our original preference. In your case this is the attitude you should adopt. You should resign yourself to the fact that you have missed out on marrying that lady and you should include in your supplication a prayer that God may give you a better woman for a wife. When you have done that you should try to forget the matter completely, trusting that God will choose for you what is best. This is the proper attitude of a Muslim. I realize that it is not easy to discard something that one has cherished as one's dearest hope, thinking that it is the be all and end all of one's own happiness, but then it is an essential aspect of being a true believer that one accepts what God has chosen. The Prophet expresses this in his inimitable style as he advises everyone of us: "Accept what God has apportioned for you and you will be richest of people." It will certainly be very wrong of you to try to encourage this lady to seek divorce so that you could marry her. Try to think of the matter in a reverse order. What if you had married someone on the basis of a goodwill and then discovered that someone is trying to get her divorced? Is it not true that your discovery will cause a great deal of trouble within your home and family life? The least that you expect from your wife in such a situation is to turn a deaf ear to whatever that man says and to boycott him altogether. The Prophet says: "No one of you is a true believer unless he loves for his brother what he loves for himself." If you do not like that any person encourage your wife to seek divorce from you, then you must not encourage another woman to seek divorce. You may protest that she is not happy with him, but that is irrelevant. It may be that all that they need to bring happiness into their home is to give themselves a little longer to understand each other better. Besides, how do you know that she will be happier with you, or that you will be happy with her? These matters can only be discovered by practice. Let me tell you that it is forbidden for you to take any action to persuade that lady to divorce her husband. Islam does not allow that a man should put a proposal of marriage to someone who is only engaged to another man. It certainly does not approve of trying to get a married woman divorced in order to marry someone else.

Our Dialogue ( Source : Arab News - Jeddah )